Saturday, October 20, 2012
defensive
I usually tend to get defensive a lot in arguments and what not. After reading the Gibb's Defensiveness-producing communication behaviors, I figured out that like most of us are so impatient and indecisive. I always tend to take everything personally and act defensive because thats just my personality. For example, last month I was at work and i was just putting in my order on the computer since i'm a server and one of the host comes up to me introducing me to the girl she was training. She introduced the new host as Gabby and then was like this is our ghettoest server So and so, and then i was like wth..... thats hella rude.. but i didn't really take it that defensive because i took it as a joke so i joked back and said next time you say something like that i'm going to cut you as a JOKE. Then she left and i thought everything was cool, but it turns out the next day she snitched me out because i threatened her even though it was a joke and she started it. So I then took it defensively because i got in trouble and she didn't even though she was the one that started it. I was mad at her and the managers made me pissed off and i am usually a happy person.If people come at me like that then of course i'm going to be a defensive person especially if they are going to snitch. Out of Gibb's six defensive categories I think my personal example follows control/problem oriented and certainty/provisionalism.
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I enjoyed reading your post. I think that you are completely correct when you say that many of us are impatient and indecisive. The example that you gave of your workplace is a very good one when it comes to being defensive. I too would have took something like that as a joke and tried to joke back. Because they had to go and say something, you then got defensive and probably will always be defensive when that person says something to you as a joke again. It seems like this situation will also make you more defensive towards your managers because they never even asked for your side of the story in this situation.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to what you are saying. Unfortunately, I become very defensive in arguments as well and in situations when someone of authority is talking to me. When I become defensive I take things very literally and personally and because of this I talk back. Since I get so defensive it turns into a bad situation because the other person responds to me talking back to them and gets defensive themselves. I think in these types of situations I use evaluation and judge the other person because I think they are trying to offend me. Instead of immediately getting defensive I need to listen to them and fully understand what they are saying and their intentions.
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