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I thought communication between friends was pretty interesting and I was even more interested since we had to write a paper on a developing or developed relationship we have. I believe knowing these aspects of communication in my friendship help my friendships out so I won’t lose friends to these minor problems and issues. I am sure many of us can be associated with these aspects of friendship and the examples and concepts of friendship is and how to solve things. I could relate to these guidelines such as engaging in dual perspective and always acknowledge and be understanding of each other so the friendship can last. Second, communicate honestly that is important because we want to be truthful and honest even if it hurts because the lies will come back to haunt us. Third, grow from our differences so we should be open to diversity and experience new experiences. Lastly, never sweat the small stuff because its not worth losing your friendship for.

Favorite thing

This class was really interesting. It taught me a lot of new things that i never knew. I really enjoyed reading all the different ways to communicate. I found out that their are different kinds of love, that was pretty interesting. I just loved learning about the interpersonal communication we have and can use on others. What i really like about the class are the weekly blogging. It was tedious but it helped me and probably everyone else about each chapter and understand it better and opinion-nate on each post. I like how we had to do only 3 papers that weren't so bad where we could basically talk about ourselves and our opinions. The quizzes and midterm i felt were kind of tricky. I felt like there are multiple answers for some of the questions. I don't like how the answers don't pop up after we do the quiz, so we don't know which we got wrong and what we need to work on. With it telling us what we got wrong it can help us on the final. Overall, this class was great and didn't have me stress a lot. :)

learning throughout the semester

This class has taught me a lot of new different things/ terms about communication especially interpersonal communication. I learned about the non verbal and verbal communication which can be really strong. I learned a lot of different aspects of interpersonal communication in this class over the course of the semester. I have been using and will use a lot of the interpersonal communication skills in my life after finding out the new terms and how to use it effectively aka being a good friend, a good listener, trying to understand them, etc.  Interpersonal communication is a very important aspect of interaction within the family and friends and whoever. I found that communication dynamics with gender perspective most that stuck out to me. I do not like that men would rather eat, watch tv, socialize with their friends but they don’t like to discuss their issues with you. Women want the emotional support. Other things I learned is that family will always be there and you can be blunt to them. Defensiveness is okay sometimes but you have to be understanding and not blunt. Different countries have different customs. A lot of new things opened my eyes to help understand interpersonal communication better. 

Equity

I found that maintaining equity in family relationships was the most interesting to me this week. A lot of families do not have equality among all of the family members. Equity should be maintained in ways that everyone in the family gets treated equally. Usually the decision maker is either one or both of the parents. In my family my dad use to be the decision maker for a little but once we got to our teen age we did whatever. (not bad or illegal things but we just planned and decided on our own) My family is really really stubborn and we all sometimes make mistakes but some decisions but who doesn't. The social exchange theory was quite interesting. Wood  says "as long as your rewards outweigh your costs, the net outcome of the relationship is positive, so you are satisfied".Having a happy family is very important and its healthy in life. 

marriage

In 50 years or so the biggest change would probably have to be gay/lesbian marriage. Fifty years is a long time and gay marriage should be approved by then.  Also by the next 50 years, I also believe that we will slowly lose cultural trends. I would predict that the changes in marriage will also depend upon the cultural value and beliefs. Most of the young people now a days just live together without getting married ever in life. There is usually like a rule and superstition and all that about living together before marriage but those beliefs has passed since kids are young and naive. The cultural values and beliefs that parents will tell their children will make a huge impact on how their generation will respond to the marriage rituals and kids just have to listen or go with what they believe but thats on them if their marriage fails. In fifty years cultural probably wouldn't matter because kids won't bring on their old traditions, they can and will probably start new ones. America is a melting pot so we will come together since the influences in all the cultures had made us be more connected.

family

When the word family comes into mind or pops up i think of family as someone that would always be there for you and someone that has been there for you since day 1. Family doesn't have to be purely biological but the biological ones are the ones you can usually always count on. I think a family is best defined as people that you can trust going both ways, respect going ways, loyalty going both ways, and commitment to one another.  There are no limitations on what a family can be. I think just as long as that person you call family is there to support you through thick and thin. Passive-congenial and conflict-habituated marriage types don't fit into my definition as a family.  Passive-congenial marriage lacks the building blocks of one another but they do protect and support but financially not emotionally.  Lastly, conflict-habituated marriage offers none of the three aspects that go with being in a 'family.' Marriage i guess makes you a family but giving up your last name for your significant other is a very big step and marriages show that kind of commitment. Family isn't as easy as one living with another for a long period of time its about the commitment, support, and love for one another.

interesting

I really enjoyed reading about the different styles of love. I enjoyed reading this section because i love like love. if that makes sense. i love "love type" movies. I just love people and hearing about their love stories, they are so cute.There are primary ones and secondary love styles. The primary styles of love are Eros, Storge and Ludus. Eros love is powerful and passionate.  Eros involves very intense feelings and sometimes causes the person to self-disclose at an early stage in the relationship. Storge, the second primary love style, which is like a "comfortable, even-keeled kind of love based on friendship and compatibility" as the books states on page 277. Love develops slowly, taking things really slowly and uses buds from similar interests, life goals and etc. Find common ground and similar things that interest both in the relationship.  Usually it isn't intense  love but imore like a growing relationship. Last style of love that is primary is ludus. Ludus is like playing a love game with commitment but like a casual relationship.

love or commitment

I have experienced only 1 relationship and we weren't quite in love yet or it didn't last that long to be called love. We were both committed though. We talked for a couple month then he made it official by asking me out and we dated for like 7 or 8 months then things didn't work out. I guess we weren't meant to be since it didn't work out but i moved on kind of.. haha. Most of my friendships with my friends have commitment involved when it comes to being there for them and hanging out with them. We all want to be good friends that are always there when we need them.  There are some friends that we will always be friends with and stick together and there are other friends that we do not care about as much because we don't see a stronger friendship bond with them later. Commitment relationships like love relationships because love relationships have commitment in them to succeed. I believe that commitment relationships are impacted  and not so sad and heart breaking as love relationships because those hurt the most. 

Deception

I do not think that it is ethical for people to represent themselves differently online to have made up information that does not represent them at all with a fake online identity. By providing false information about one-self creates a fake person that doesn't even exist. It's really sad that people do that because they probably have low self esteem or something. Some people choose to hide their true identity to look like someone way better than everyone else online to be the "cool" person. Deception is commonly found online because you can't see their facial expressions as they tell you the lies or whatever. If you were face to face with someone their facial expression and body language can give away that you are lying or hiding something. Some people are good liars but in the end they always end up getting caught because the truth always comes our or at least most of the time. 

week 11 #3

What I found interesting in this chapter was communication and friendship.  Interpersonal communication needs to be used when having good communication between friendships and making sure the communication level with listening and all that is good.  Friends need to be open minded, and understanding. They also need to use verbal and nonverbal communication effectively to be a great friend.  When you discuss your emotions and resolve conflicts they make friendship last longer instead of holding grudges and what not.  People should engage in dual perspective in friendships.  This way it will help us understand what our friends are feeling and thinking and helps accept those thoughts and emotions.  Honesty is a key factor in friendships and communication.  To have a successful friendship people have to be open and not hide their true feelings and emotions. It is really important in friendship when friends don't easily get mad off the little bickering and what not because that tends to make friendships rocky. Everyone just needs to not take everything so seriously and get mad over the little things because people aren't going to want to be your friend later and then you would be isolated and sad.... :/ 

let me tell you about my best friend

I have a few close best friends but i'm just going to talk about one. Her name is Caitlin and we met way back in elementary school but we didn't really talk or get to know each other. Then i moved elementary schools so we never got the chance to talk. In middle school we ended up going to the same school and started to actually talk to each other and get close. We would always hang out at lunch and break and we had a few classes together. She would invite me out to the movies and to eat with her family and to sleepover her house. We just built our trust, closeness and acceptance because we clicked right when we finally took the chance to talk to each other. We knew we could count on each other to vent or just have someone be there for us.The dynamics of our relationship really do correlate to the chapter. I am grateful to have had her daily in my life. I know that she is not local but whenever we have the time we will see each other and hang out an plus here family lives in sf so she comes back sometimes and then i meet up with her. She sometimes get mad when i get close to new friends because she feels like she is getting replaced but at the end of the day she will always be my best friend along with my other girls.

friendship

The main issues on this link were about friendships and and issues from chapter 10 on pressures of friendship.  The issues reflect challenges to friendship discussed in this chapter a lot. People always tend to have rough patches in a friendship and either have to get through it or move on and i guess make new friends. Some people stated on this forum that they are losing their friendships with others and they do not know how to prevent losing their friend. Both internal and external tensions are included in these situations. Many problems stated in the forms are that their friends' personality is changing which is usually how it goes once people grow up.This forum also includes advice on how to help people support their friends; this was described in chapter 10. There were different sections on topics about friendship advice forum to help those with problems.  Sexual attraction towards their friends was interesting because you always meet and get to like a friend and tend to have that sexual attraction towards the. Based off my own experiences, I believe sexual attraction cause a friendship to break because one might not have the same feeling then it gets awkward.....  Throughout high school, I hung out and made a lot of guy friends because it was easier for me and i didn't want to deal with girls and their drama. Attraction and sexual attraction always ruins a friendship, which sucks so people are better off keeping it to themselves unless they don't care for the friendship anymore or just can't be friends because it is just too hard for them.  

interesting... week 9

Reading through this chapter the topic which I found most interesting was in the little section that's called, "What keeps relationship together?" I haven't been in many relationships. I usually wonder how people who have been together for so long. Also, I wonder how many are still together since I'm around so many couples who seem to argue more than be happy with each other, still staying together after all the misery they put each other through. I thought it was very interesting how during MaryLund's study, people are brought together because of a commitment that allows two people to be together for long time because they invest themselves in the relationship to becomes happy or try to be. The relationship is based on love dealing with both staying committed, loyal, and understand each other. I agree with the study because I feel like many relationships have failed throughout what i have seen or heard because they do not have the will or power to keep it together and work things out. No matter how much love there is, it will still mean nothing if both person’s hearts are not completely dedicated to the relationship they have built. If people stick by and try to work things out that means they really care for you and want to be with you and if they don't you just have to let them go.

defensive

I usually tend to get defensive a lot in arguments and what not. After reading the Gibb's Defensiveness-producing communication behaviors, I figured out that like most of us are so impatient and indecisive. I always tend to take everything personally and act defensive because thats just my personality. For example, last month I was at work and i was just putting in my order on the computer since i'm a server and one of the host comes up to me introducing me to the girl she was training. She introduced the new host as Gabby and then was like this is our ghettoest server So and so, and then i was like wth..... thats hella rude.. but i didn't really take it that defensive because i took it as a joke so i joked back and said next time you say something like that i'm going to cut you as a JOKE. Then she left and i thought everything was cool, but it turns out the next day she snitched me out because i threatened her even though it was a joke and she started it. So I then took it defensively because i got in trouble and she didn't even though she was the one that started it. I was mad at her and the managers made me pissed off and i am usually a happy person.If people come at me like that then of course i'm going to be a defensive person especially if they are going to snitch.  Out of Gibb's six defensive categories I think my personal example follows control/problem oriented and certainty/provisionalism.

confirming when disagreeing

 I have always found it difficult to confirm others when I disagree with them, but while reading this chapter it helped me understand confirming people or their ideas. It hard for me to listen when i don't agree with them because I usually get in a little debate if i disagree with them while they are talking.  There are three different ways confirming either people and/or their ideas.  Recognition is the concept you recognize that they exist.  Usually meaning when you disagree with someone you tend to ignore them and not acknowledge their presence by not looking at them. Acknowledgment is the way one feels known/ cared for and what others feel, think or say.  With confirming others through acknowledgment we tend to use either head nod or  paraphrasing to communicate that tells the speaker we are listening and makes the speaker feel important to listen to.  If you disagree with someone people may use acknowledgement by ignoring what the others say and start to change the subject or something.  Endorsement is the way we accept another person’s feelings and thoughts.  If you disagree with someone you usually reject the feelings they are trying to express and deny their inner emotions.  I think using and understanding the levels of confirmation will help us distinguish between confirming people and their ideas. From now on if I do find myself in a disagreement I need to confirm with them rather than disconfirm them by acknowledging they are there, recognizing their feelings and accepting their thoughts to be a better communicator and person or friend to them. 

interesting

The reading i found the most interesting was rational-emotive approach to feeling. The rational-emotive approach to feelings consist of a pyramid that has 4 steps. This approach involves feelings using rational thinking and self talk to challenge emotions, which may be weaken relationships and healthy self-concepts. The first step in the pyramid is watching and sensing your emotional reactions to certain events and troubles. It is important to know your emotions and understand what is happening with your body and your nonverbal behavior because you don't want to act out.  The second step is to understand which situations make you feel unpleasant. You don't want to be in those types of situation because you'll be really upset, so you should just walk away. The third step is to tune into your self-talk and identify whether it is telling you that you shouldn’t feel certain emotions. Always go with your first instinct with anything unless someone or evidence proves you wrong. The fourth step is to use self-talk so you can challenge the fallacies. I really think by using this pyramid it can be really helpful to understanding your feelings and emotions. I think self talk is a major thing to feelings and emotions because you know and what you are feeling so it is important when being or trying to be positive or when being negative but that should be kept to the self. 

fallacies

The most common fallacies discussed in this chapter are: perfectionism, obsession with shoulds, over-generalization, taking responsibility for others, helplessness, and fear of catastrophic failure. These fallacies are pretty self explanatory for the types of faults they are and doesn't need a lot of explanation for each. Usually these fallacies trigger emotions and cause or sometimes help us make decisions for possibly the wrong or right reasons. I believe in my interpersonal communication I see perfectionism and taking responsibility for others.  Perfectionism is when we have unrealistically low self-concept which can cause chronic dissatisfaction with self causing low self esteem and what not. Taking responsibility for others is when you think you are responsible for others feeling. You kind of feel guilty for their responsibility just because you had a tad bit to do with it. Always just take on your own responsibility and try to help others deal with it but don't take it too personal. With my interpersonal communication I need to be able challenge these fallacies by using skills that will help my communicational skills. By using positive self-talk and using little negative self-talk it challenges these fallacies. I tend to be a negative person at times and it brings people down so i have to change that about me. 

perspective on emotions

The perspective that made sense to me the most about emotions was the social influences on emotions. People's emotions are represented and influenced by the culture and the social groups they belong to. Social influences like family, neighborhoods, gangs, schools, work places reflect peoples emotions. Where ever we stand in the relationship with who we are hanging out with or around reflects are emotion depending on if we like them or not. This perspective shows that people hide their real emotions because they don't want to feel weird and not normal. This perspective is probably why people don't act on how they feel and hide their emotions because they want to fit in and what not. The other perspectives gives you insight on other people's emotion but the social influences stuck out because i feel like people emotions are more hidden due to the influences around them because they either don't want to hurt anyones feelings, shyness, etc. People just have to be real and blunt sometimes but thats just what i think. :)

listening part 3

I really liked the listening to support others and it was a good way to for understanding and for the good support. It is an important way in which the listener can use their listening skills.  By using the listening skills you can become a more effective, helpful, and thoughtful listener.  I thought this was a really important section and it popped out to me because I think communication and listening is important in all relationship whether is has to do with friendship, serious relationships or anything of that sort.  Being mindful and respectful of what the other person is saying is important in terms of what they are feeling, thinking, needing and wanting.  It is important that you always look at other people's perspective, not just yours, you have to be open and supportive. I think paraphrasing is an important method because it helps you understand the communicator better and it shows that you are listening. It also helped us understand the meaning more and actually let us take in what was said. This is important in a relationship because understanding how a person is feeling with using good listening skills shows a lot of support. Once you understand the person you are able to communicate your support while listening and understanding fully with all the helpful tips. Listening to support is a good method for understanding and caring for others and all should listen that way. :)

10 part skill

“Listening is a 10 Part Skill,” is an interesting topic to read about.  It helps us on skills on how to improve the way we listen and how to use effective listening in improve our performance. What I found interesting was that as a listener even if the subject is dry and boring you have to pick out something that can fun, interesting, and exciting for you to become more involved. When you are listening it is important that you focus on the content rather than how it is being delivered because content is stronger than the delivery or it should be. Some people get too caught up in the story on how someone is speaking but completely ignores what the person is saying aka the content of their story. So in order to understand the content the listener needs to ignore the delivery and how they sound and focus on the content which is the base of their story.  I thought the part about holding your thoughts until you thoroughly understand the speakers’ thoughts is really important.  I have trouble with keeping my mouth shut because i tend to always butt in when people have not finished their story or their side of the problem. I should always let them finish and then we can debate about it after. It is really important to give speakers our conscious attention because we would be mad if we didn't get the same respect.  As a college student or a person in general I don’t’ give my conscious attention in life because thats just me and my personality. If I did listen better and took in what is being said in class it would benefit me because all I would understand the lectures and do well on the midterms and exams.  In order to do this I need to not get distracted so easily and not use my phone and put it away. By becoming a better listener will benefit the relationships I have with everyone around me. :)

Non Listening

The six different forms of nonlistening are pseudolistening, monolistening, selective listening, defensive listening, ambushing, and literal listening. I think I'm going to have to go with the pseudolistening form of non listening or at lest when I'm at school. My attention gets distracted very easily, so if the teacher is boring or all they do is talk talk talk, i'm most likely just going to be on my phone texting, playing games, tweeting or just doing anything other than paying attention. When I'm at work or something, I'm usually monopoliing because i like to talk all the time and people like to listen to me and when they try to talk i always have something to say so they can never finish. :P But it's okay because they don't get offended or anything because thats just me. I usually always interrupt people while talking... its just a habbit. When people first get to know me they probably hate me but as they get to know me they all end up liking me as a person. I try and am going to try harder to fix my forms of non listening and to be a better speaker. I will let people finish there stories before interrupting. :) By doing this people will like me even more or they will just how to deal with however i feel like being :P

chapter 3 influences on perception

I found that the influences on perception were an interesting topic in this chapter because there are a lot of reasons that influences their perception on things. Everyone usually views things, people, and situations differently. Physiology is a big factor with perception. The physiological states influence perception. Medical condition also is another reason. "Our expectations also affect what we notice" (Bargh, 1999). Age is also another factor that influences our perceptions. Older people have more of a complex fund of experience in situations and people. Age also influences perception on time. Culture and social locations are also more factors on influencing perception. Our lives are formed by our culture and it guides us on how to think, feel, and communicate. Culture is a powerful because it shapes our perception. Then it goes to social location since it defines our social group. Finally, roles shape our perceptions. Social rules are a factor on influencing our communication about our feelings.

hate speech

Hate is America is usually defined as a race issue or an anti- Semitic speech. Which is protected by the first amendment. There is no First Amendment exception for hate speech unless its libel, obscenity or fighting words. “Canada, Great Britain, Germany and numerous other Western democracies ban hate speech and there is an ongoing debate whether doing so undermines the fundamental tenet of a liberal democracy.” (spectacle.org) I think hate speech is a very unsteady subject. I agree that hate speech is wrong and it's morally revolting to use hateful words towards other individuals, I do not think that the government trying to control it or censor it is going to fix or solve the issue. People are going to use hate speech whether the laws say they can or cannot. Which is wrong, but people don’t change. They should spread awareness about hate speech and what it has caused and the effects they have on people to benefit individuals.